20 January 2017

Earth, 2223

[Space-time rift opens]
Alien Leader: Salutations, citizens of Earth.
Human Leader: Sup.
AL: We have been observing you for more than 2,000 of your years, and looking at the advances you have made, we are considering finally inviting you into the Coalition of Advanced Civilizations (CAC).
HL: Sounds amazing.
AL: But first we would like to ask you some questions, as there are some aspects of your culture we do not fully understand.
HL: Shoot.
AL: What is lying?
HL: Not telling the truth.
AL: What is the truth?
HL: Emm... something you know for a fact. For example, two plus two equals four is true, and two plus two equals five is false, or a lie.
AL: Why would you do something like that?
HL: Because when your competitors are better than you, you can only best them by using deception.
AL: But, you are a cooperative species, are you not?
HL: Yes.
AL: Are you lying now?
HL: No.
AL: How a species that is using a concept as counterproductive an infuriating as lying have attained terraformation? We do not understand.
HL: Terraformation?
AL: Yes, the technology to change a planet according to the needs of their people. You used CO2 to increase the temperature in the polar caps to raise sea level so you could reduce the land mass by a 97.6% and raised the temperature by 12C in 100 years, removing 80% of the species in the planet, we presumed, in order to reduce competition for resources and gain more habitable space for your aquatic species.
HL: Ha! we have done no such thing. And we are not aquatic. We just screwed our planet because we did not care or we were blind.
AL: Impossible. We have never made a misjudgment of this magnitude. You must be lying now, are you not?
HL: No.
AL: It is impossible to know when you do. This concept makes no sense whatsoever, how do you tell the truth from the lies when you interact with your own?
HL: We really don't. That's why we screwed in the first place.
AL: I think we have made a mistake.
HL: You bet.
AL: Farewell.
[Space-time rift closes]